Torture of finding an Indian Groom

I come from a very good Christian family where I had the right to even share w/ my parents if I had a crush on someone but I knew my parents knows that I am very smart girl that won't give into temptations and desires of such at a tender age where educational nourishment and career development is very important these days. Once I have actually reached that level of expertise that I so ever wanted to achieve, I feel like a failure at not finding a husband.

Finding a husband is the hardest task for a woman these days. Apparently, it feels suddenly that we have more women than men in this world. So there a lot of women who can't find their husband and so less of good men that are still single. Well 28 years ago my dad came with his family to see my mom and her family in whats called "seeing the possible bride custom," where the man w/ the whole village knocking at strangers homes to take a peak at their darling daughter's. My dad went to visit my mom, they never even spoke once and families decided to set the date for a wedding five days from the day they saw each other. Volla, they got married, year after which my mom followed my dad on the basis spouse visa to live in Qatar and then had me.

These things still happen in parts of india. Its considered almost like a matrimonial alliance shopping. Now its even more high tech with internets, online matrimonial's - shaadi, bharatmatrimony, jeeevansathi, m4marry to name a very few. So the understanding is shaadi is for men who are totally modern. Bharat is for women who want men who are more into traditional; however, you can find an tradition in shaadi and modernism in bharat. I have tried all these sites for the past year and still can't find someone who wants to be committed or dedicated to one person.

I have molded myself as I continue searching for my true love. I have clearly changed but am I too good for someone? Whenever a man rejects me, I automatically go into my self esteem issue mode were my looks aren't enough. I am tired of degrading myself. I am tired of making calls to my mom for emotional support. I don't think any man deserves my goodness. A very good friend of mine told me this the other day, sometimes men don't reject you because you are not good looking but because you are way too nice for him. Well you know why she is one of my good friends.

I feel like making a billboard for all woman and little girls who dream of their handsome prince. I feel like saying - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUTSIDE. YOU DON'T NEED ANYONE'S APPROVAL. YOU ARE ALWAYS A TREASURE IN THE ARMS OF GOD OUR FATHER!!! This is reminding even for me, that I am beautiful inside and outside and I am treasure in the arms of Christ.

Signing off yours truly
Praveena