Why is it always me? Why not me?

“As they went out, they came upon a man of Cyrene, Simon by name; this man they compelled to carry his cross.” I see Simon of Cyrene to be a blessed man whether he was an on looker to cheer Jesus suffering or a man who came to cry at this suffering, he was pulled aside my the guards to help Jesus carry the cross. Sometimes when I think about pain, suffering and endurance I just think about Simon and see myself in his position to help Jesus carry the cross. It’s my bounden duty to do so. Jesus told his disciples:” If any man would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.”

Have you come to situation in your life where you ponder why does this bad thing always happen to you? SD told me her that her family members and friends ask her why did you end up on dialysis or why were you chosen to suffer? To which she was telling me aloud, why not me? When I met her for the first time SD asked me looking puzzled “who are you?” Later I learned that her first impression about me was that another person who wouldn't understand me and also how dare this younger person be capable enough to treat me. She has always made me think there is more to life than what you see. She is not an easy person to be around because she judges people quickly and puts a big wall around her heart and do not let people in easily. Even though I felt that about her, I knew I could change her views about me. Yes I am young, I am new to medical field and to be honest I am scared at every decision I make in my field and I do it w/ a prayer in my heart that God watch over me completely. Today a year later we have build this connection that’s beyond a patient physician bond, it’s beyond a trusting relationship. She told me today you have to be social worker or a psychologist - has anybody told you this. In my mind I giggled and said to her aloud – no, nobody ever told me to be social worker or psychologist but my boss told me on my first day at my interview sometimes you have to be a friend to your patient. He also told me if you are on a constant run mode, patients have a difficulty of entrusting you with their thoughts. Sometimes you just have to sit and give them your ears.

God has a plan for each one of us. According to the bible, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully (Romans 12:6-8).” I am just awed by my creator. Even though I am filled with weaknesses, errors and lack of wisdom, somehow my package came out to be just perfect. This is not a boastful thought, its more like a proud feeling that my Father in heaven made me so beautiful and placed me in my right place to do HIS will! Why not me?