Life is so short

My first year college, I remember this professor of Speech class, He gave us an assignment of living in the present. The more I grow older I feel like I need to reminded about this very statement and what it really means. It is so easy for us to fall into the trap of great memories from the past or horrendous realities of the past or even the glamourous successful future. How can we snap out of those thoughts and live this very moment. This is our moment where we can make a difference. There is nothing that can be done about the past and no promise of a future, this is it. I know I have to get over the past but what if the past of someone who is not here any more haunts you. I take this moment to write down about three different patient of mine. A schizophrenic woman who believed she desersves to be pregnant being on hemodialysis. Her accompalishments of writing plays and presenting it in Universities. She would be constantly with her book and glasses in that chair writing away something. The way she had to go was so bad that even she probably didnot dream of it. It just feels like yesterday. Then the man who feared death and also concluded himself to be the black sheep of his family. He would say to me, his brother used to be the good child and even then he died of cancer. I fear death! I remember thinking of his dreams and his fears, even after he has moved on to the other world. His memories are stuck with me as well. Then the man who I just recently lost, he was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and never recoverd. His young daughter would be there next to him through out his dialysis treatment. He was just going down and I remember trying to give him hope and he would look at me with disbelief stare that states....there is no hope why are you even trying. Life is truly very short. I have never met their childhood but we all started at someones womb, someones hands, home, heart, and end in a death bed whether that is on HD chair, or your bed or someone elses bed or hospital bed or street or a car or somewhere where our body stops functioning. They say once the heart stops functioning, the brain has another two hours left and so we can hear what goes around our body. I wonder how true this is. Sometimes there is no hope and I am tired of giving hope to a situation where this none. I have no absolute strength to fight it either. I can only pray to God for strength. Even for me to sit at the feet of the Lord and cry I need strength. Even for me to pull myself up I need God. Even for bad days, I need God. Even when I say terrible things , I need God. I am such a needy child Lord. Its truly difficult reality when you loose someone you love forever through your stupidity or your ignorance or even to death. It comes to my final and the title of this blog - Life is so short - is it worth all the ego and pride.